June 2021

The Birth of Elouise

Birth Story Journey

This is the beautiful story of how Elouise Diana King made her journey Earthside, told by her Mother, Shanti….

How do I begin to express this small and highly significant chapter in my life? One that begins the start of a whole new story, and yet this prequel is a whole story on it’s own. I’ll start from my last journal entry; the morning of my labour.

16 th May – 41 weeks, 4 days

The pangs began at 2am this morning. I went back and forth in my mind, is this it? Am I just getting my hopes up? Faint, period-like cramps, the urge too poo was super strong. I started listening to my meditation playlists, sleeping and waking with every pang. The emotions and releasing has also begun... I feel so much... excited, relieved, nervous, sadness, calm, peace…shaky psychedelic shivers lace the fibres of my being…hormones are flooding through my system. I feel grounded, and yet so vulnerable. Fearful, and yet confident.

I know exactly what I need, want and desire. I trust this process, breathing through every sensation. I am grateful and calling upon my motherline…It is time to heal the trauma of the past, to pave a new way forth.To birth through a newer me, through this soul.

Blessed be.

18 th May

After my last entry the birthing room was set up. I had begun to feel this urgency, like everything had to be done and done now. I struggled to begin with, but managed to express to Emily that I needed to feel secure in knowing everything was prepared – that I felt I could not do it myself and that I would not be able to prep later. I rested in the bedroom while they set everything up. Freddie made me food. I rested. I cried. I felt a sense of ‘alone-ness’. Like I was afraid. I released these tears, then navigated my way to the birthing space. Restful music played as I crouched over pillows and breathed through the waves that slowly consumed my full attention.

Already the details become hazy. Emily began to count the seconds of my contractions. At about 3pm the midwife was alerted to my state, she spoke to me on the phone and I was left to focus on my breath. There were moments where tears would come. It was like I had the will to handle so many contractions, before I cracked and would sob with the realisationthat this was only going to get worse, that I was only in just the beginning. Alexa arrived just after 6pm, and by then every wave that came I would push play on my breathing video that would count the seconds for my breath. When I could no longer focus on playing the video Freddie took over, becoming my guide and counting my inhales and exhales.

In the time I spent on the mattress, I found moments of deep rest. It was this eerie feeling, drifting in and out of consciousness. Half dreaming, so relaxed as my body conserved energy for the next wave. I felt calm within the storm, connecting to my breath as soon as my body geared up again. I cannot explain the places I went to in these moments, or the intensity I felt as a contractioncame.

All I can say was it felt massive, so big that I could not contain it all within my body alone.

By then I would moan. Groan. Expressions of sound helping me to release the intensity of all I was experiencing. Alexa would moan along with me, holding my hands – I am sure there were moments where everyone was there, moaning with me. When a wave ended, she would coach me to relax. To soften my shoulders, my back, my hips, encouraging my body to rest.

I was in pain, and yet so grateful. My hands gripped on to Freddie’s, knowing he could hold me with strength. Reminding me to focus when I became too panicked. Emily’s hands were like warm healing magick, pushing my hips down into the Earth with each exhale, forcing my pelvis to soften and open. I was offered tidbids of food – honey, berries, fruit, and dahl. Making it through with so much support at every step. I remember peeing on the mattress; I had no cares by then. I think my waters broke and I saw my mucous plug between my legs. Freddie took it away on a towel and a fresh one was replaced. My hips and knees ached from crouching on the mattress for so long, Alexa offered me to move to my side for a break. I began to feel the urge to push push growl and push.

Fears began racing through my mind – was she stuck? Do I have the strength for this? What if it takes all night and day?

The birth pool took time to fill, while I was encourgaed to sip coconut water. Then I moved into the pool, the heat soothing my tired, aching muscles. By this time I had said, I can’t do this. I had said, it feels like they’re stuck. I said I had felt the urge to poo, that I could feel this pressure bearing down.

Every mental block I hit, Alexa would confirm that that was exactly what I was supposed to say. She would alert me that it meant my baby was coming soon, that they were almost here. Every cry of pain was met with Emily telling me how strong I was, how amazing I was doing, to send it all into the Earth. They all reminded me of my power – there was no sympathy to my pain and these gentle reminders nursed me through the waves.

By now over and over I had thought I was never going to make it. My baby kept coming down, deeper into my pelvis. Every time I would think, it’s time, surely it’s time, and multiple times the head would move back up. A trick that disheartened me but also filled me with determination. I was going to birth this baby!!

A sense of rage filled me; I would growl ‘come ooon!’ as my body pushed. Rage turned to desperation, desperation turned to surrender. Until that moment the head was finally crowning, ‘Yes yes yes!’ So close, I KNEW she was so close. I was willing now, I no longer feared if I tore. I had surrendered to the pain over and over. I felt her kick me inside. I felt her turn, turn, turn as this baby worked with me to come into the world.

I called to Freddie to get into the pool to catch her, but when I heard Alexa telling him to pass her through my legs, I knew that I had to do this myself. First her head was out. I waited. I must wait for the next contraction to come. This time anticipating the next wave eagerly because I knew this was the one that would bring my baby to me. Her body slid out, and I brought her forward.

Birthed at 1.04am, on the 17 th of May. This being. This little alien being. This is what I had been growing this whole time. Reality hit me here, as I looked at her floating so peacefully in the water. She was so slippery! I fumbled as I brought her up, hugging her tiny body against my own. Alexa guided me to rub her until she breathed, a part of me feared she would not breathe, a part of me knew she would. Then she uttered these little cries as her lungs began to work. I hadn’t even checked her sex yet; it seemed so irrelevent until Freddie asked what we had.

Elouise, we had a little Elouise.

As I left the birthing pool, realising how sore and achy my body was, I still knew I had one job to do. Birth the placenta. I was not successful at first, but after I lay down and was wrapped in towels and blankets I felt it there, sitting at the base of my spine. An easy push and it came through me, this huge organ that had fed and nourished my daughter this whole time.

I don’t write this story to say that every birth must be a free birth, or have no pain reliever, or to be at home. I write this story because this experience showed me that I had the power to choose. Right from the beginning of my pregnancy, with preparation and self-education, I had choices. If I had chosen to look away from my fears, to turn the other cheek or didn’t understand how my body could possibly perform such a massive feat…if I had chosen to ignore the messages my intuition whsipered to me, perhaps it would not have happened this way.

The more I learned about birth, and followed the amazing guidance of my doula, Alexa, the more I could confirm to myself that yes, I could do this.

Even in the moments I felt like I couldn’t, the voice of ‘I can’ was stronger.

Louder.